lihui

2009-12-30T22:38:00.002+08:00

a new year is coming...i'm still the same me...haha...hmmm...maybe something different...attitude getting a bit bit worse again?? hahaha.....i oso dunno...dun think i have any new year resolutions...juz let things be...if things should turn out well it'll turn out well...alot of things not within my control...think tt it'll not be a peaceful year at work nxt year...not being pessimistic...but oredi noe things will happen...might be a bit bit chaotic sometimes baz...haaa...wat to do...well...juz hope tt my family & frends will have a good year ahead...jiayous... ^u^

2009-12-06T00:03:00.004+08:00

Bored of existing in this world......
Bored of my own existance......

2009-11-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

haiz...decided to leave my current company le...last day is 31st dec...oredi started to look for a job le...went for a few interviews but din receive confirmations...hmmm...got 1 today...but dun think i wan coz dun like the job scope...ytd morning de interview sounds quite positive...but wont stop finding until i receive a confirmation for a job i like...abit can't bear to leave the company lahz...but feel tt it's too unfair for me le...so even though i like the colleagues & environment alot i'll still have to leave...still got more than a month to go...

2009-11-01T22:53:00.002+08:00

woah...wat a tiring day...but it's nice to go out & catch up wif frends...watched "Coraline" 3d wif chia & hl...then go walk walk...hehehe...had lunch at tt xin wang taiwan cafe @ citylink...had been there for the 4th time...the food is great...hehehe...gg to meet chia & hl again on nxt fri & sun...but fri not confirmed yet...should be gg to ion for dinner on fri baz...then sun go watch movie...either "My Girlfriend is an Agent" or "Jennifer's Body"... XD
hmmm...broke up wif bf oredi 1 month le...time realli flies...now not realli looking for bf yet...juz see see look look...oredi rejected 5 guys in this 1 month le...coz juz dun have tt kind of feeling towards them baz...oso not sure wat i'm looking for...onli noe tt i dun wan guys younger than me...hahaha... XD

2009-10-23T22:14:00.003+08:00

quite a few of my frends getting married this year...my boss oso getting married...haha...saw my frend's wedding photo in facebook juz now...she's realli pretty & happy...dunno when my sis getting married oso...i'm sure she'll be super duper pretty in a wedding gown...she'll be super happy oso...awww......hope tt day will come soon...i wanna see my sis getting married......sure veri nice de.......hehehe...well i onli hope for my sis...coz for me still a long way to go...coz i dun even have a bf now lohz....hahahahaha....juz now got someone commented tt i change bfs like changing clothes lidat...oopzzz...hehe....well...i think should get to noe more ppl since i'm still not tt old yet mahz...after tt then will noe which type of guys more suitable for me mahz...hahaha...& i oso dun think i change bfs veri fast baz...5 in 3 yrs nia mahz...if i change bf fast i would oredi be in a relationship now le baz but now oso no bf so not considered changing bf fast baz...now no one wan mahz...so might as well stay single abit longer lohz...XD

2009-10-08T20:47:00.005+08:00

haiz...work issues + personal issues...super emo this few days...feel like crying so much...dunno wat i should do...i noe i have to get over it...but i still feel bad for leaving him...hope he's doing fine...though i wan to look forward to the future but i can't help it & look back...in the past i'll start a new relationship veri soon...but this time i think i'm juz tired...juz wan to stay single for a short while...i noe tt i'm in no position to feel sad coz i'm the one who initiated the breakup...but i realli feel veri bad...realli veri sorry...but i noe i won't be happy even if we had continued...so i dun regret my decision...but i dunno i can still pretend to smile for how long...everyday i'm juz nearing my limit b4 i realli breakdown...... T_T

2009-10-03T20:48:00.002+08:00

1 week had passed...i'm still the same...onli difference is tt i'm not crying anymore...on top of the recent breakup...i'm veri tired coz of work...i tried my best to smile & laugh like before...until even i myself oso dunno if i'm realli happy...i dun wan my frends to be worried abt me...but i'm realli veri tired...i realli need a shoulder & a hug right now...

2009-09-26T20:25:00.003+08:00

so long no update...& this long waited update is a veri sad one...coz i juz broke up wif my bf today @ 6.50pm...have been together for 4+ months...this is the onli update i have...i dun think i can continue writing...coz i cannot see clearly now...will update again soon...hopefully.......
i hate crying.......but i can't stop it.......

2009-08-22T08:57:00.003+08:00

forgot to update...hehehe...coz i din realli online recently...tml my b'dae liaoz lohz...fast sia...hehehe...turning 23 tml liaoz...looking back i din realli do much for the past 1 yr...still stuck at acca de f8...tt stupid audit...haiz...dunno when then can pass...hopefully i can pass soon...after switching to a temp job...now i more relaxed liaoz...everyday can on the dot go off...hehehe...but jones quite poor thing lohz...he looks so stressed up...hopefully he can hang on to it & not give up so soon...coz the things will get easier once he's familiar with it...maybe coz he still not veri used to having so much deadlines in a month baz...so he sometimes will miss out 1 here & there...but billing is lidat de lohz...1 month got many many deadlines...everything mus complete by a certain day of the month...i think i oredi quite used to the current job scope liaoz...but maybe i too used to having many deadlines & many things to do everyday of the month so sometimes will feel like i din do something lidat...hahaha...ltr meeting lihui go walk walk...hehehe...quite sometime din meet her on weekends liaoz...coz everytime ask her she will say tt i should go out wif ah dai instead...so now i onli meet her for dinner after work once every few weeks...ltr go orchard coz i haven been there for quite some time le...wanted to go kino de...but my kino card is wif jones...dotzzz....my comics........nvm......he lucky i monday on leave...tuesday then i go piak him...hahaha...=P

2009-07-19T12:08:00.003+08:00

back to update again...but cannot write much...firstly is coz nothing much to write...secondly is coz my keyboard de spacebar spoil liaoz...so need to use the on-screen keyboard to press the spacebar...so mafan...my 1yr de work contract ending on 21st july...after tt i switching to a temp contract...coz i realise tt i started to fail my exams since i took up this work contract & tt job scope...so i think studies is still more impt to me currently...i think i'm not an ambitious person so career is not impt to me oso...hehehe...went to watch harry potter on friday...hmmm...i think this episode is not tt nice...coz not much fighting scences & the professor died...sianz...i think transformers is nicer...haiz...update another time baz...the keyboard problem is realli getting on my nerves...arghhh...

2009-06-15T13:00:00.002+08:00

haven got the time to update my blog for some time liaoz...even once a month seems difficult sia...hahaha...but i think will have the time to update more soon le lahz...thinking of not renewing my contract wif my current company...thinking of finding a part-time job instead...sales or watever de...almost everyday go yishun nowadays...haha...wan find me can go yishun find me instead liaoz... =P

nothing much to update oso...coz everyday oso the same de...the onli difference is tt i got to noe quite a no. of ppl in yishun nia lo...they're my bf's frends mahz...haha...hmmm....will update again soon baz...coz now realli nothing to blog abt...

hoping tt my b'dae will come soon...august fast fast come...hehehe...

2009-05-10T22:02:00.002+08:00

haven got the time to do my monthly update...have been sick since 1st may lo...high fever, flu & cough...now juz recover abit nia...everyday got office oso blocked nose...sianz...see the work then worst sia...
realli dunno wat to blog abt oso...last sat met wif vincent...haven seen him for a veri veri long time liaoz...he still no change la...haha...then ytd afternoon meet neh go watch movie then meet yandan & heling at iluma...then watch movie again...a gross movie...haha...then nite go dinner & meet sayang for awhile...hmmm...5 mins?? =.=
then we go esplanade drink lo...neh actualli cannot go drink de la...he underage...but managed to drink still coz no check de lo...hahaha...then after tt yandan & heling go take a stroll...i bring neh go take train then i oso go home lo....
this few days keep having thunderstorm at nite lo...dun need sleep lo...coz scared sia...the thunderstorm start then i wake up liaoz...then find ppl sms wif me...haha...bad rite...haha...but found someone who dun sleep at nite de...haha... =p
hmmm...tt's abt all i got to blog abt i guess...haven realli choose yet lahz...dunno whether now considered tt i've chosen anot...dunno lahz...oso din say anything...so confusing...suan le lahz...dun think la...i still hate thinking...hahaha... =p

2009-04-02T20:33:00.006+08:00

it's time for my once a month update again...yeah...haha...nothing much to write abt oso...days juz come & pass lidat...everyday is abt the same...mon to fri work...sat meet lihui...sun stay at home nua...hahaha...& tt's my life...

well...i'm still veri into playing audition...have been playing audi for 1 or 2 years le...still haven sianz lehz...hehe...it's fun & can get to noe many ppl...both good & bad...haha...but of course most of my frends are veri nice ppl...i got a jie, a di & a nuer...hehehe...if any of u plays audi too then look for me baz...my most recent ign is -Wings- if cannot find me then sms me lohz...not as if u all dun have my hp no. lidat...hahaha...

i've changed a few ign & cpls recently...latest record tt i have is changing a cpl everyday for 3 days...hahaha...but now i got a new cpl le...hmmm...not realli new oso...coz we cpl since sunday...maybe won't be breaking cpl anytime soon...though got ppl ask...but my dens are drying up soon...hahaha...other than tt actualli is coz my this current cpl is quite nice lahz...hehe... ^u^

alright...enuff of my gaming...currently in real life i'm still single...sad sia...bo bian no one wan me mahz...hehe...lidat say sure kena shoot by lihui de...sure shoot until lan...hope she din see...hehe...well i'm still thinking lahz...whether to stay single or to get into a r/s...if i get into a r/s...then who will be my bf???

hmmm...dun think got any guy wan to die so soon baz...coz it's realli quite a torture to be my bf lohz...i'm juz being honest lahz...haha...well...see how lahz...if one day got someone tell me that he loves me...& if i have some feelings for him...then maybe i'll give it a try lohz...coz like i've alwaiz said...u'll nv noe if u nv try...maybe u'll fall & get hurt in the process of trying...but it's oso thru these processes that ppl grow up...so i'm now realli looking forward to meet tt someone who will tell me that he loves me & truly loves me for who i am...yeah... ^u^

2009-03-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

haven been updating again...realli busy...but i'll still try to update at least once a month though i have nothing much to update abt...haha...
hmmm...have not been well since valentines...nothing to do wif tt day itself...juz tt it happens on tt day...met my erzi tt day oso...not real-life de erzi lahz...my audi de erzi...but he's actualli one of my close frends now...he still veri young orz...turning 17 this yr onli...haha...xiaodidi... =P
he's quite cute & sweet at times...but onli "some" times...realli veri some sia...hahaha...ok lahz...at least he was there to chat wif me when i broke up wif my panda...who is now my ex & oso my kor...hehe...
life is still abt the same...everyday go work & hoping for weekends to come faster...then tues nite go for lessons...oh ya...i failed my audit paper again...sianz sia...fail by 1 mark somemore lohz...lol...
hmmm...work still same...except tt i took 2 days' mc last week...actualli i got 4 days de...but nahz...dun wan ltr go back got mountains & mountains of work...dotzzz...
oh ya...why was i not well...hmmm...initially doc say is tt i ate something wrong...coz i vomiting & having diarrhea...but the day b4 tt i din realli eat much coz not much appetite...then after finishing my medicine i still not feeling well...then doc say i got gastric wind...it realli lasted for quite some time sia...vomiting & stomach pain...realli like hell lohz...but not better le lahz... ^u^

2009-02-01T10:58:00.002+08:00

latest update since january is that i juz broke up with my bf yesterday...quarrelling too much...too many chances given & i've used up all the patience tt i have...even though i'm the one who initiated it but i'm oso veri sad...feeling veri bad...but if it carry on...maybe at the end of it we cannot even become frends anymore...i wan it to end nicely...yesterday night he decided to be my kor kor...which is not a bad idea actualli...
seldom wake up so late in the morning...maybe yesterday cry too much le baz...cried for the whole night...an idiot called me last night to ask me out on valentines...i juz tell him i'm not in the mood to speak to him...earlier on which is the day b4...my reply was tt my valentines belongs to my bf...his reply yesterday was tt we can meet at night...i think my reply was veri standard...meeting him at night is a veri dangerous thing for me to do...i'll not put myself in any danger if possible...din tell tt idiot tt i juz broke up wif my bf...din wan him to pester me...
hopefully today will be a brand new day for me...& hope tt my new panda kor kor is ok... ^u^

2008-12-04T09:34:00.002+08:00

looks like i realli haven been blogging...hehe...took my audit paper again yesterday...it's a sure thing tt i'll fail...coz i oredi decided to retake the course nxt sem so i din realli study...hehehe...well...but i did try to ans the questions though...hehe...juz anyhow write lohz...if suay suay i pass horz...tt means the markers mus be sleeping...if not drunk on a christmas or new year nite when trying to mark my paper...bwahahaha...
will be taking a break from my revisions today...will start revisions for my professional accountant paper tml...will be taking the exam on monday...ya...monday is a ph but poor me still have to go for exam...& the nxt day have to go back to work...nxt 2 weeks sure ot like nobody's business...haha...prepared to be the security guard for the office liaoz...bwahahaha...
will try to update again when i'm free...hopefully will be end of this month...if not will be in the new year....yeah.........

2008-11-10T21:12:00.002+08:00

haven been blogging lately...hehe...getting lazier & lazier liaoz...tied up wif lots of work oso...almost everyday oso ot...exams oso coming liaoz...stress arz....
went jb last weekend wif dearie...had some veri nice food...hehehe...getting fatter & fatter liaoz...cham liaoz....cannot eat too much liaoz...coz end of nxt month gg kl...then will eat & eat again....hehehe....so now cannot eat too much... =p
still veri tired from the weekend trip...my eyes cannot even open big big today...today can onli open small small...hope i wont work to death...haha...jiayou.... ^u^
oh ya...another thing is i gg to change boss liaoz...yoke mei leaving on 24th this month...then kelvin will be taking over...yup...he's the christmas sandals guy...oopz...make fun of ppl again...hope he wont get to noe...if not die liaoz...hahaha...well...he's a nice person lahz...hope he wont overload me wif work... = (
tt's all for now...hopefully will rmb to update again...hehehe.... ^u^

2008-10-06T20:45:00.013+08:00

i've got the pics tt i took during the zoo trip from dearie liaoz...hehe...din noe tt i took so many pics...hehe...

2008-09-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

yeah....finally friday le...hehehe...oopz...the time now is saturday le...^u^
ltr sleep le wake up mus go for lesson. after lesson maybe go for dinner wif lihui. after tt go home then online. hehe....
sun morning go amk meet dearie. then go for breakfast then go zoo. yeah...finally can go zoo le....have been looking forward to the zoo trip wif dearie. after gg to zoo maybe gg back to amk hub watch movie. i wan to watch "Painted Skin". ^u^
realli glad tt weekends is here finally...although need to go for lesson & can onli meet dearie on sunday coz he got marking to do. but i'm still veri happy... ^u^

2008-09-25T19:56:00.002+08:00

haven got the time to update. have been veri stressed up coz of work & studies. haiz...
well...no worries...i'm still alive...& will continue to survive well. hahaha......gg to zoo this sunday. hehe...haven been there for almost 15 years i think...which is since primary sch lahz...looking forward to weekend & tt trip to zoo...hehehe.....friday coming...yeah!!!! ^u^

2008-09-07T07:51:00.002+08:00

haven been updating. but first update after some time is not realli a good news. had a big quarrel wif dearie last nite. nearly broke up somemore. maybe i'm juz too stressed up & he happen to do something wrong abit here & there. but as expected my heart softened again. juz can't bear to do tt to him. i noe i shouldn't be too softhearted. i won't be when i'm required to stick to my stand.
well...in the end ok liaoz. after some crying & talking things out. i gave him my support. becoz he's my bf.

2008-08-24T10:42:00.005+08:00

yesterday was my b'dae. but started celebrating on fri. haha...meet lihui on fri & meet clarence on sat. veri happy this yr. coz got lihui & my dearie to celebrate my b'dae wif. hehe...^u^

b'dae card frm lihui
(inside the handwriting is the nicest
tt i've seen coming frm lihui ^0^)

present frm lihui
(my fav pink color ^u^)

b'dae card frm dearie
(wif a nice recording in it ^u^)

my fav blue rose frm dearie
(& he's hugging it...see tt bear ^u^)

an adidas watch frm dearie oso
(my fav color...pink ^u^)

2008-08-18T20:55:00.006+08:00

haiz...got my results today. quite sad...failed 1 & passed 1. got 35 for audit & 65 for financial management. hmmm...actualli expected de lahz. hehe. coz theory paper mahz.

well...i think i've studied hard enuff for it liaoz...so wat to do. fail then fail le lohz. will retake tt paper de exam nxt semester. not this semester coz the paper i taking now is a theory paper oso. haha.
hmmm...i'm sad mainly coz some of my frends oso failed their papers. veri sad for them. even cried coz they failed. i'm oso veri worried abt them. hope tt they're fine.

dearie & me

2008-08-17T19:05:00.002+08:00

went shopping wif lihui juz now...found a veri cute thing...hehehe

this is the thing tt i bought juz now...hehehe...a winnie the pooh storage box...hahaha...lihui bought the piglet one...hehe...super cute de...^u^

2008-08-14T22:45:00.004+08:00

august le...my b'dae coming soon le...dunno whether to be happy or not...but my b'dae finally falls on a sat...haha
oredi received b'dae present liaoz...1 frm my bf & 1 frm my colleagues...realli like the 2 presents...especially the one frm my bf...hehe...hope this yr's b'dae will be a great one...^u^

2008-07-28T20:58:00.003+08:00

not feeling well since last mon. started sneezing since fri. then fri nite abit feverish. then today i think i'm realli sick liaoz. haha...wat a long process.
nearly couldn't get out of my bed this morning. went to work blur blur de. first thing my colleague say to me when i reach office is: "u sick le arz? u look so pale." my reply is: "hmmm...i'm still alive. so should be ok." hahaha
well...alive realli doesn't means i'm ok. coz started feeling feverish again after i went back to my seat. somehow had some disagreements wif my dearie. feel tt the care & concern frm him is not enuff. well...gals need more care & concern & attention especially when they are not feeling well. but dearie dunno & dun understand.
finally finished work & its oredi 7pm liaoz. ryan asked me not to go home first. he say wan to bring me go see doc. he's juz a frend. but i told him i on my way home liaoz. the person tt i hope to hear those words coming frm is not him. too bad.
then he juz crap abit. ask me why i sick le but my bf din bring me go see doc. why my bf din take good care of me let me fall sick. haiz...i juz tell him coz i can take care of myself. guess wat he say? he say: "tt's not a good reason for ur bf to not take care of u. gals need to be taken care of & be pampered."
well...i juz tell him tt maybe i'm not a normal gal lohz. hahaha...everyone say i'm abnormal mahz. haha. hopefully he won't nag at me again tml. told him not to wait for me le...coz no use de. the day he's waiting for...will nv come.

2008-07-21T23:07:00.002+08:00

new pic i save when playing audition wif my dearie...hehe

2008-07-18T22:15:00.002+08:00

finally fri le...had a busy week at work...i was offered a contract position by my boss...& i've decided to accept tt offer...started to learn new things frm merlin on tues afternoon...have been learning new things everyday...
actualli my contract onli starts on 21st july officially...but until now i still haven sign the contract due to the hr ppl...i find them quite inefficient...not becoz i din get my contract yet...its coz they alwaiz delay my colleagues' pay...they alwaiz giv excuses like accidentally left out the entry...worst still they once said tt they lost the bank a/c no. of my frend...haiz...
well...back to the point...i started learning things for my new job even b4 my contract starts is coz they having their closing on thurs...tt's why they need my help wif the closing...
but i'm actualli quite happy to be able to learn so much new things...though its realli veri confusing...but i think i'll get more familiar wif the things as time goes by...dearie was veri supportive when i asked for his opinion on whether or not i should accept the contract...i'm realli glad abt tt...
i think i'll hav alot of ot for the nxt 2 mths or so...coz my company undergoing restructuring & they outsourcing the data entry & customer service portion...boss told us tt things will be abit messy for the nxt few mths....
i'm happy & excited abt the new job...though its abit tiring for me to work ot almost everyday & go for lesson on wed...but i'll juz bear wif it...coz i believe tt things will get better...hehe...
hmmm...as for things btw me & dearie...though we quarrelled or had heated discussions here & there...but i realli feel tt things are getting better...each time after the quarrel or discussion...i feel tt we noe more abt each other & understands each other more...^u^

2008-07-09T22:56:00.016+08:00

lesson starting this sat liaoz...sianz...

company undergoing restructuring...i dun think i changing job liaoz...coz i got a job offer frm boss...most probably will accept...coz will be learning new things oso...so might as well stay in an environment which i'm familiar with...hehe
have been playing audition every nite wif dearie nowadays...its fun

2008-06-29T08:20:00.005+08:00

these 2 days wake up quite early...yesterday is coz my sis comes home veri early in the morning. & she chat on the phone juz opposite my bed. haiz...so i woke up at ard 7.30 & do some things until ard 9.30 then go online.
this morning i was woken up by ron's sms. he sms at 6.22am. haiz...i try to continue to sleep but cannot sleep so i wake up to online liaoz. & here i am sitting in front of my laptop blogging abt some boring stuff. hahaha.
meeting lihui at cityhall at 1.30 ltr. maybe will go catch a movie. if not juz eat, shop & chat lohz. haha. tt's wat we alwaiz do. actualli ron's sms in the morning is to ask me out. but i told him i gg out wif lihui.
tot of telling him nxt wk baz coz lihui nxt wk gg to the dentist so i got no one to go out wif. but in the end din say tt lahz. coz dun wan him to think tt me gg out wif him means there's some hope. dun wan to giv him the wrong idea.well...maybe nxt wk juz find another frend to hang out wif lohz. if not juz stay at home & rot. hahaha.
papa & mummy went malaysia on fri nite. coming back tonite. haiz....papa & mummy not ard i like veri cham lidat lohz. fri i forget my keys. sat morning nearly nothing to eat. luckily i bought a hotdog bread at eunos mrt station. this morning de breakfast is hotdog bun again. the ones i bought yesterday. *sobz* usually papa will buy breakfast on sunday morning de.
*sobz* papa & mummy not ard i like veri kelian lohz. luckily no xiaoqiang appear these 2 days. tt day thurs a flying xiaoqiang appear. papa went to buy things wif mummy. i call them to come back. i scare until i cry lohz. wat to do...i'm juz a crybaby. how am i to survive without papa & mummy? haiz... T_T

2008-06-25T19:02:00.003+08:00

have been busy wif work since i went back...there's lotz of work waiting for me everyday...today is the onli of the days which i get to leave b4 6 other than my first day back to work...
well...actualli on my first day ros oredi asked if i can ot liaoz...but too bad...i meeting dearie for dinner so i told cannot...haha...but after tt day i got to ot everyday lohz...coz realli got alot alot of work...luckily haven break my record of 9.30 yet...the most onli until 8...
thinking of changing job liaoz...coz they are overworking & underpaying me lohz...anyway the company oso undergoing restructuring...so its sooner or later de lahz...i might as well start looking now...haha...
hmmm...one down in my so-called "waiting list"...din noe when i got "waiting list" oso...it juz appears by itself de...anyway the "waiting list" is quite pathetic lahz...onli 2 person on it...but i've reduced it liaoz...ryan should have given up le lahz...haven met for lunch since i'm back...somemore if i change job then he most probably won't be able to meet me for lunch liaoz...
as for the other one...i oso dunno wat to do wif him liaoz...i think he'll giv up should oso baz...hopefully......^u^

2008-06-15T08:36:00.003+08:00

gg back to work tml liaoz. both good & bad. well...good thing is at least i wont be bored at home. bad thing is tt i'll get tired. coz i'm quite sure tt there will be lots of work. haha...
well well...wat to do. i hav to go back to work. ryan oredi ask me go eat lunch together liaoz. hmmm...see how baz. depends on my mood. haha...
noe tt he'll sure ask alot if i meet him de. but saying those things will make me rmb them. rmb liaoz then i'll be sad. haiz...

2008-06-13T16:55:00.003+08:00

back from genting liaoz...din go kl...stay in genting since sun & came back on thurs...din play any theme park rides...everyday in the casino see the jackpot machines...tt's all...tt's the trip...

2008-06-06T13:03:00.003+08:00

YEAH!!! my exam over liaoz...hahaha!!! its finally over...dun think i'll do well...but wat to do...tt's acca...hehe
i think the paper yesterday is better than the one on wed...wed de paper is 100% theory lohz...yesterday de at least got 50% calculations...& tt's wat i'm depending on for tt paper...well...will noe how "well" i did for tt 2 papers in august...most probably b4 my b'dae...hehehe...now can enjoy first...august then worry abt the results...haha
now can slack at home until i go back to work...which is on the 16th...hehe...its still more than a week away...^u^

2008-05-30T17:21:00.003+08:00

haiz...veri stressed abt exams now......no mood to study now...dunno why dun feel like studying lehz...see the notes oredi feel like vomiting...haiz...
the more i'm being asked abt my revisions the more stressed...haiz... T_T

2008-05-27T00:58:00.003+08:00

i noe tt its nearly 1am & i should hav been asleep now. but i can't get to sleep. the tears keep flowing like nobody's business lidat. so i came online again to blog. hopefully after this i can sleep.
well. i think i learnt something today. men cannot be trusted.

Men: I promise i'll nv make u cry.
II
V
After making u cry.
Men: It's not my fault. That's juz the way u're reacting to things.
II
V
If crying is a way the gal's reacting to things. The guy mus hav done or said something to hav caused such strong reaction frm the gal.
II
V
So it's still the guy's fault. If he din do or say tt something. The gal will not hav such strong reaction (crying).
II
V
Moral of the story:
Guys' promises means nothing. They'll think of ways to counter their act of breaking their promises made to the gals. Therefore the promises tt guys made cannot be trusted.

2008-05-21T20:20:00.002+08:00

today's the 2nd day of my study leave. things still ok. all according to schedule. hmm...maybe abit ahead of schedule...hehe.
planned to use the first 2 days to complete my audit notes. & the nxt 2 days after tt to do my financial management notes. then will be able to pass to lihui on sunday.
but i done them yesterday. so i started on my financial management notes today. its like hell. haven complete the notes but i decided to call it a day. well. coz its mainly calculations so actualli nothing much to do. but there's alot to write oso. left abit more to complete tml.
feeling veri restless this 2 days. so much things gg thru my mind. dunno wat to say. dunno how to say. dunno who to tell. feel as if i'm exploding. realli need a good laugh now. i noe who can make me laugh. tt person nv fails to do so. but i noe i cannot find tt person.
haiz......wat should i do? so tired.

2008-05-18T16:35:00.007+08:00

juz came home...decided to update abit b4 i go sleep...wat should i blog abt...
hmm... i think both male & female have needs. but usually in a relationship. the guys will get their needs satisfied. as for the gals. it's maybe. i think usually the guys get their needs settled & the matter ends here. it doesn't matter to them if the gals' needs is satisfied.
ok. maybe not all the guys. maybe onli some of them. maybe i'm juz too used to the way how things were for almost more than a yr. i think i've been a good gal since cny. & i'm still trying to let things stay the way it had been for the past 3 months.
though sometimes things nearly get out of control but in the end i still managed to control it. i noe some ppl will simply say why make urself unhappy. if u're not happy then juz change one. i'm not unhappy. am i? i noe i may sound complacent. but i noe i have no problem finding another one. problem is will tt one be true to me?
other than tt. the thing is i dun wan to change. i noe this may sound crazy. or even scary. maybe it sounds more of scary than crazy. i dun wan to scare anyone. including myself & especially him. but somehow i think he's the one i'm looking for. ok. maybe tt's onli how i feel. the feeling may not be mutual. no use waiting for me. chances realli veri low.
when will i giv up? maybe some day if i think i've realli tried everything i could. maybe then will i giv up. hope i won't end up getting myself hurt. if i do. i think i'll oso stand along wif the ppl laughing at myself. haha. serve u right.
alright. realli have to go lock the doors & sleep le. oredi switched off my hp. i'm gg to sleep off it. until it goes away. the doors & hp is juz measures to prevent myself frm running out. time to sleep.

2008-05-07T20:08:00.002+08:00

Having some problems wif my dearie. So sad. We talked abt it on monday.
Have been thinking abt things over the past 2 days after our conversation on monday. Hmm......I think actualli dearie can spend time wif me on saturdays is oredi good enuff liaoz. Coz i noe he veri busy wif his work. Maybe in the past he can use his saturdays to do his work, then can spread out his work throughout the week. But now becoz of me, he cannot do his work on saturdays. Knowing tt he stayed up until veri late to do his work, my heart pain pain.
Have been hoping tt he can spend more time wif me, chatting on the phone or wat. But now I think actualli its ok if he cannot. If I have to choose btw chatting wif dearie on the phone longer & causing him to stay up veri late to do his work, & chatting wif dearie for a short while, I would choose to chat wif dearie for a short while. Coz lidat he can finish the work he wan to do earlier then he can go to sleep earlier.
Thinking back abt wat happened, I feel quite bad for getting angry wif dearie when he can't chat wif me or chat wif me only for a short while. I think I'm being quite unreasonable.
Haiz... I veri bad rite. Maybe my think is still quite childish baz. Have to learn to be more understanding. Enuff for now, I go watch my anime liaoz.

2008-05-04T12:21:00.002+08:00

so fast oredi may liaoz...labour day which was supposed to be a ph was like shit to me...coz i had lessons frm 10 to 1 & 2 to 5...its almost like a normal working day...sianz...no break at all...
nvm...2 weeks frm now i gg on leave liaoz...but tt's a study leave...meaning exam is coming...great...haiz......hav to work harder liaoz......
watched a few movies in the past few weeks...i had watched Nim's Island, Forbidden Kingdom, Three Kingdoms, Superhero Movie, Harold & Kumar, Iron Man...
but there's still some movies which are oredi screening tt i wan to watch...Doomsday, Dance of The Dragon, Sex is Zero 2, The Hottie & The Nottie...
hehe...actualli still got some...those tt's coming soon in this month...Speed Racer, Made of Honor, Accuracy of Death, Chronicles of Narnia, Sex & The City...hehehe...
but i guess there'll be some tt i wont be able to watch...coz some of them is quite near to my exams liaoz...sianz...wat to do...so sad...

2008-04-07T23:26:00.002+08:00

i'm

bored!!!

super

sianz!!!

arghhh!!!

me alone...

sad...

T_T

2008-04-07T20:13:00.002+08:00

dunno why suddenly feel tt no one cares abt me...so sad...

actualli wat i wan is veri simple...someone who have time for me...someone who care abt me & show it to me...is tt veri difficult?

i realli need a shoulder & a hug now...i'm tired...tired until i wan to cry...ya...i'm juz a crybaby...someone who likes to cry alot...someone who cries veri easily...although it's not something to be proud of...but it's oso not something to be ashamed of either...

where can i find tt shoulder & hug? where izzit?

2008-04-06T09:48:00.003+08:00

went to watch andy lau's movie Three Kingdom wif my dearie yesterday...nice movie...before tt we went to buy the coach tix to genting oso...hehe...
gave him a little gift yesterday...its a bottle containing 512 starz...i made 512 starz coz 512 means "I Love You"...quite surprised abt tt too...coz din do something like tt for anyone b4...making those starz used up my remaining free time of the past 2 weeks...which is like...ard 5 days...hmm...abt an average of 2 hrs a day...quite a hurry...
wanted to giv it to him on the 8th...coz it marks the day tt we've been together for a month...but i wont be seeing him until dunno when so i gave it to him yesterday...might not be meeting nxt week coz got lesson on sat then he not free on sun...dunno the week after the nxt got meet anot...haiz...feel tt maybe meeting once a week is abit difficult to maintain a relationship especially when tt relationship is still beginning onli...will try my veri best...hope tt there'll be many many more months ahead...^u^

If You Love Me Like You Told Me

Please Be Careful With My Heart.

You Can Take It Just Don't Break It

Or My World Would Fall Apart.

2008-03-31T21:08:00.004+08:00

i was so heartbroken yesterday...i felt as if my heart fell to me stomach...& when its climbing up...it slipped & fell again...& now it's making its way back again...haiz...hopefully it won't slip & fall this time...my tears was flowing like a open tap...it juz won't stop...T_T

but i will still try to forget wat hav been said...it'll take time...coz it realli hurts...especially when it comes frm my dearie......

wat to do...he's the one whom i've decided to giv my heart to totally...in fact my heart is oredi wif him...

things are oredi better...as long as i dun think abt wat he said...coz i still feel like crying when i think of it...but i won't let wat happened affect our relationship...coz i noe i love him...^u^

2008-03-30T10:30:00.004+08:00

had a bad headache yesterday nite...haiz...i feel tt i cannot realli handle the stress anymore...its making me feel suffocated...think i gg crazy soon...haha...anymore & i may juz breakdown thoroughly...

having a hard time controlling my own emotions nowadays...dunno wat to do anymore...but wat is there still tt i can do...i'm oredi trying my best...even when ppl are having doubts abt me...haa...wat to do...haiz...

now onli waiting for tt complete breakdown to come & go thru it myself...haa...how wonderful isn't it...haha...i'll still try my best despite sounding so ironical...

well well...time for me to go get changed...ltr got lesson...yup...lesson on a sunday...& its frm 2 to 5...wat a great time...hahaha...

2008-03-29T23:13:00.003+08:00

finally its sat...everything was fine...veri happy...but it ended quiite badly...so sad...T_T

somemore tml still got lesson...haiz...

hav to wait for another week b4 the nxt sat comes...hopefully it'll be better...

Who do you turn to

when the only person who can stop you from crying

is the one who is making you cry?

2008-03-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

i've planned for my study leave liaoz...told boss abt it yesterday...actualli i had spoken to boss oredi...taking leave frm 20th may to 6th june...but yesterday i told her i wan to extend my leave for another week...until 13th june...& she's ok wif it...she ask why & i told her coz i gg for a short trip...hehe...

i told lihui abt my leave oso...she's quite...or should i say...she's veri surprised tt i'll be taking such a long leave...wats more...i told her i took tt extra week coz i gg for a short trip wif my dearie...haha...it's realli not like me to take leave other than study leave...but usually for my study leave i'll take juz enuff days for me to study...hehe...

well...actualli i'm quite surprised oso...coz this is the first time i doing tt...can onli say tt my dearie is realli impt to me...if not...i wont take leave juz to go out or to go for a trip wif him...i still dun exactly noe where we gg...i'm gonna leave the planning to him...i believe tt he'll plan a nice trip...heez...^u^

2008-03-23T09:15:00.002+08:00

feeling quite bad now...i think my previous post had hurt my dearie...maybe i've onli been thinking abt myself...& neglected how my dearie would feel when he read it...i'm realli veri sorry abt it...

2008-03-21T22:30:00.006+08:00

went to vivo for movies wif my dearie juz now...was quite happy coz finally can meet up liaoz...well i'm realli veri sorri...coz i was abit late...was late for abt 15 mins or so...but things went quite well actualli...i'm quite successful in controlling my hand...& everything was fine...except for juz one thing......we went to watch 2 movies...the 1st one is Vantage Point...the 2nd one is Horton...i dunno whether its coz the movie is too boring or too childish for him...coz he fell asleep during the movie...i was like................haiz.................

though i din say anything...but tt's oredi the 2nd thing liaoz...haiz...its not tt i mind his hair color alot...but since u say u gonna do something then i expect to see something done...i noe he's busy...but...haiz...no comments......

i dunno......maybe i'm juz expecting too much frm him.........the higher the hopes & expectations...the greater the disappointment.........

2008-03-19T21:53:00.002+08:00

quite tired today...lotz of things to do at work...yesterday told my dearie tt i scare i will feel sianz...dun think it will happen...but its juz one of my little worries lahz...coz juz like the way it will happen btw frends...if one of ur frend abit too busy to meet up wif u...then say will try to make time for u...but u dun wan to make it so troublesome for them so say nvm dun meet...then after some time u all will start to drift further apart...sounds so sad rite...but it realli did happen btw me & some of my frends...but i believe it wont happen to me & my dearie de...hehe...

heard abt the Singapore International Film Festival frm my dearie yesterday...din noe abt this event at all...then i went to the sistic counter at bugis to get a booklet on tt event...found out tt they hav some interesting shows during tt period...quite interested in some of them...then this afternoon went to tt sistic counter to buy tix for one of the films "Waiting For Love"...will be watching it wif my dearie...hehe...other than tt film i think i'll be gg to watch "Bakushi" & a documentary "Women Who Love Women"...but i oso wan to watch "18 Grams of Love" & "Dreams From the Third World" lehz...all of them like so interesting lidat...might be watching "Bakushi" & "Women Who Love Women" wif miko...coz she oso wan to watch...hehe...as for the other 2 see how lohz...either as dearie or lihui to go watch wif me lohz...heez...

tml thurs liaoz...miko's last day...hope tt the day will pass slower...but at the same time oso hope tt it will pass faster...contradicting rite...wan it to pass slower coz after miko leave i'll be alone...wan it to pass faster coz then it'll be fri then i can see my dearie liaoz...haiz...but life's like tt de lahz...wat to do...its not as if i'll not see miko again oso...she might come back to help out in future & we'll oso be gg to watch the films together mahz...i realli do look forward to the long weekend...coz i'm quite tired...tired of the work & tired coz of the work...need a break frm it...coz i noe monday onwards things will get worse...dun care lahz...worried abt it when it happen...for now juz relax & look forward to meeting my dearie & the long weekend baz...

2008-03-16T09:21:00.002+08:00

wake up le but got nothing to do...so juz came in to write something to kill time...haha...ltr got lesson...frm 2 to 5...yup...super sianz...lesson on a sunday afternoon...spoiler...haha...but wat to do...

slack at home for the whole of yesterday...supposed to meet my dearie...but he yesterday got meeting...then cannot meet...miss him...wan to see him...but wat to do...cannot be so unreasonable & ask him to meet me after his meeting or wat rite...coz i think he'll be super tired after a long meeting lohz...hmmm...so i juz stay at home & rot lohz...need to wait for a week b4 i can see him again...well...time pass veri fast de lahz...hopefully...hehehe...

tot of catching a movie wif lihui ltr after lesson...still got so many movies i wanna watch...some oredi screening...some screening nxt week or some time this month...those oredi screening are Spiderwick Chronicles and Horton...screening on 20th march are Vantage Point and Crows Zero...last of all screening on 27th march is An Empress & The Warriors...

haha...i oso went to find out wat i wan to watch in april liaoz...so many movies oso...on 3rd april is Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon...on 10th april is Escape from Huang Shi...on 17th april is Forbidden Kingdom the movie i realli realli wanted to watch...haha...waited for quite a long time for this movie...coz got Jackie Chan...& Jet Li oso...hahaha...yeah...realli looking forward to it...enuff for now...got to go bathe liaoz...heeez....^u^

2008-03-15T14:52:00.008+08:00

well well...almost a month since i last updated my blog...hopefully din kena spot check...hahaha...hmm...let me see...wat happened during the past few weeks...haha...although i veri forgetful but din forget everything lahz...hehe...well...jiayan resigned le...miko oso resigned...& she's leaving nxt week...gonna be a tough & lonely time for me frm nxt week onwards...although isaac came back to work while waiting for his enlistment...but think he wont be working there veri long lahz...coz i think he'll receive his letter soon maybe...haiz...so sad rite...left me only...wat to do...haa...not everything is so sad for me lahz...coz i still got my dearie...hehe...oh ya...he's tt frend who appeared in my previous post...now he's my bf liaoz...hehe...maybe abit too fast...coz its onli a month since things ended for me & tt guy...& we had onli known each other for a month or so...hmm...but dunno lehz...juz feel tt he's someone i can trust...though there's some issues here & there...& one of it is the age issue lahz...coz he's 14 yrs older than me...but for me i think ok lahz...i like can liaoz mahz...who cares wat other ppl think...but i'm not realli sure for his part lahz...hmm...but i realli mus kowtow to him...coz dun think there's any guys who can stand my temper & mood swings....haha...i noe i veri bad lahz...but wat to do...if tt can be changed then i would hav oredi changed a long time ago & i wont be called lihui liaoz...hahaha...other than tt...i think maybe coz i'm quite touched lahz...other than him there's oso a few other guys who appeared ard tt same time but...not much feel lehz...one of them maybe is coz too frend liaoz...the other 2 arz...ehh...suay lohz...hehe....coz i oso dunno why......although we dun get to meet much but we'll still chat on the phone almost every other day lahz...coz we both need to work...i need to study....& he live abit far lahz...but i realli hope tt things will work out lohz...but i still abit scare lahz...scare tt i'll get hurt again...coz i'm too much of a crybaby liaoz...gets abit emotional easily...wan to love but scare to love...maybe i oso abit of a pessimist baz...although i alwaiz help ppl to think positively...but for myself...i'll think if i'm to fall too deep into it...if someday it hav to end...i'll realli be veri veri veri broken up...haiz...maybe he's juz like me...coz last nite he ask me if i'll abandon him for some other guys...sounds quite a sad thing...dunno why my tears juz roll out frm my eyes...haa...said tt i abit emotional at times le lohz...juz can't bear too hear such sad things...din realli ans him...coz i dun like to giv ppl empty promises...& i realli dunno wat will happen in the future...i onli noe tt for now & the near future...tt situation will not happen...i'm 100% sure tt it'll not happen for the nxt few months until the end of the year...nxt year is still abit too far away for me to be 100% sure...i'm onli ard 80% sure...haha...considered quite positive for me liaoz lohz...hehe...enuff of updates for now le lahz...^u^

a gift frm my dearie...^u^

2008-02-20T22:37:00.003+08:00

time for some updates again......quite alot happened over the past 2 weeks...things tt should oredi hav ended dragged abit...& it officially ended on the 1st day of new yr...sad...but not veri...coz i've sorted out my thoughts over the few days b4 tt...din realli go anywhere during new yr...stayed at home most of the days & played online games to kill time...on the 2nd day of cny...got to noe a new frend while playing an online mahjong game...had quite a nice chat wif him...find tt he's quite a nice person oso...well...the nxt day we met online to play & chat at the same time...till now we're still in contact though we dun realli play tt game so often liaoz......nothing to update for valentine's day...coz i dun hav one obviously....haha....hmmm...got my exam results on the following monday after tt...which is 2 days ago...18th feb...this time round i'm realli veri nervous...realli veri worried...expected myself to fail either 1 or both of the papers...in the end...i fare better then wat i had expected...i passed both papers...although its juz a borderline passing grade...but i oredi considered myself to be veri lucky to hav passed the papers...but i'm oso sad at the same time...haiz......shall not talk abt wat i'm sad abt......now i onli hope tt things will develop well......there's some little issues tt hav to be overcomed...i think i've oredi prepared myself for tt...so juz hav to see how things goes...coz its oso not abt me alone.......hope things will be become better.......

2008-02-04T20:55:00.000+08:00

since things had ended on fri...2 guys hav asked me out...but dunno why i dun realli hav the mood to meet anyone...dun wan to hav a repeat of wat had juz happened so soon...i still need more time...hopefully by cny my mood would hav brightened up...even by juz a little bit...after cny comes valentine's day...a lonely valentine's day again for this yr...haiz...so sick of everything & myself...dun wan to think but sometimes ppl will ask abt it...some is happy to hear tt news...some is sad for me...as for myself...i'll juz hav to get used to how things was b4...if not wat can i do...hate tt feeling of helplessness...i juz hate it...i will make myself feel better soon...as soon as possible...its not as if its the end of the world...& i think i'll be able to find a better one...soon...

2008-02-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

tot tt i wont be so sad...oso dunno why but i actualli feel so broken up now......i like him...i think i like him quite alot...& although i oredi noe tt it would turn out to be like tt...but i'm still so sad......i believed his words......telling me to trust him...telling me tt he'll protect me from harm...& now the one hurting me turns out to be him...the one who told me tt he'll protect me...haha...now it all seems like a joke...a veri cruel joke to me......maybe i started to trust too soon...nv should hav trusted...oredi did all i can...but the ending is still the same...leaving myself so broken up...din tot tt i would cry...especially when i'm in the office...maybe i juz tot too highly of my ability to keep my emotions under control...haha...well...since it happened le...i can onli accept it......although i may look fine on the surface...but actualli i noe i'm still in pieces now...i think it will take some time for me to recover this time......luckily din become powder...if not even worse...but if realli become powder i think i'll hav to treat it like milo...put hot water stir then drink it...haa......today is the first day of the month...& i'm oredi feeling so blue now......so wat is my status now? single? haha......open to all other choices? nahz...dun think so......it takes time......

2008-01-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

time for some updates again...well...wat should i write abt? haha...oso dunno lehz...quite a few things happened...dunno where to start from oso...haa...
not sure whether i've made the right decision this time...trust...easier said than done...maybe i've realli lost the ability to trust ppl...oso dunno wat i wan now...i think i'm juz afraid...scared tt i've chosen wrongly again...yup...& i'll hav to go thru tt same hell again...
something happened today...it makes me veri sad...kinda felt insulted...& somehow it causes me to shed tears again...i noe tt i've said tt i'll remain happy juz like the way i was before...but i'm actualli feeling hurt...this incident made me wonder even more...whether i'm doing the right thing...
though i've oredi decided...but i can't help it...i juz wavered...oso dunno wat he actualli wan from me...is he juz like the previous one? hopefully he's not...
dunno why i starting to dislike being touched by ppl...anyone...even if tt person is juz someone who happened to knocked into me in the streets or wat...sometimes i simply hate it...
well...since i've made the decision...i think i'll juz stick wif it...dun like to go back on my words...no matter wat's gonna happen...it's a decision tt i've made...so i'll hav to bear everything...good or bad...again i trust...may be good...may be bad...but who cares...^u^

2008-01-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

hmmm...realli like quite long din update liaoz horz...hehe...have been busy ever since i finish exams in dec & went back to work...& tt's in 2007...now oredi 2008 liaoz...so fast...hahaha...but i'm still as busy as before lohz...sad rite...have been working ot ever since i return to work after my study leave...wahh...sianz lohz...no time for other things...weekends oso quite busy...shopping for christmas presents....shopping for new clothes....watching all the movies tt i've wanted to watch during my exam period...hahaha...every weekend oso quite packed...finally in a new year liaoz...but this week oso busy...coz of the closing...& this week lesson oso start liaoz...

a new year...2008...dun realli have any new yr resolutions...looking back at wat i've done in 2007...i can onli say tt i changed alot in the yr...not the way i looks or wat...but the way i think...its realli quite different from my point of view...dunno the change in me is good or bad...but i'm happy wif the way things are now...happy wif the way i'm living my life...although oredi 21 liaoz...& turning 22 this yr...but i'm still not tt old...so wan to play juz play lohz...if not a few yrs ltr i think i'll surely regret for not doing so..."live life to the fullest"...a nice phrase tt i think applies to me now...have no regrets over wat i've done in 2007...coz why regret...since it had oredi happened rite...hehe...i'm realli glad tt i've went back to be the person i am in the past...maybe not totally...but the happy portion is back...& i'll try to let it stay tt way...coz no one wans to be sad...& i dun think i should be...when i hav frends wif me...not alot though...but a few is oredi enuff...frends who will accompany me when i'm bored...be there for me when i need them...lend me a shoulder when i need a rest...& frends who will do crazy things & laugh wif me...hahaha...i'm glad & fortunate to hav them...i'll not be naming out those ppl...coz ppl u should noe who u are...though i nv say it coz i think its realli too mushy & some things dun hav to be said...but hey ppl...I LOVE YOU MANY MANY!!! *muackzzz* thanx for being my frends...hehe...^u^

2007-12-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

a few days since i last updated my blog...finished my tax paper yesterday...tt's why now got a little little bit of time...veri little bit onli coz need to start on my revision for the nxt paper liaoz...haiz...well...decided to write something here to help ppl understand me...coz I'm quite a difficult person to understand...haha...i think dun need to say abt wat i like coz its quite obvious lahz...hehehe...so i think I'll juz say abt wat i hate...although alot depends on my mood...but hmmm...juz say abt 10 things which I hate no matter how's my mood at tt point of time...so ppl wont step on it 'unknowingly'...

1. I hate it when I have to repeat myself twice...depending on my mood...I might juz stop talking the 2nd or 3rd time when asked to repeat myself.

2. I hate it when people keep asking me the same question...if I dun hav the ans means I really dunno...no matter how many times u ask oso the same lohz.

3. I hate it when people ask me to think or decide something...things like what time to meet...where to meet...where to go...I dunno why but I simply juz hate it...sorry ppl if u all are juz trying to be understanding letting me choose the comfortable timing & things...but ppl pls juz decide on it then tell me...I'm usually ok wif it...if I'm not comfortable wif it...I'll tell u & ask if it can be changed...pls pls pls dun ask me to think.

4. I hate it when people are indecisive...pls juz decide on something & stick to it.

5. I hate it when people keep changing their mind...abt when to meet...where to meet...wat time to meet...I dun mind tt u have something on so u have to change or postpone it for the first time...as long as u have a reason for doing so...I'm ok wif it...juz decide on when u wan to postpone it to...but if u wan to change it for the 3rd time...I'll juz make the decision for u which is not meeting...coz if u can meet u've oredi decided on it the 1st or 2nd change.

6. I hate people forgetting things tt I've told them before...& tried to guess or ask me abt it again...usually those are things abt me lahz...coz i think if i can take the effort to rmb why can't u.

7. I hate it when people say "depends on u baz...I'm quite flexible de...I can change the schedule abit & free up the time slot for u"...this statement sounds to me like...if u wan to meet me at tt time slot I can free up tt time slot juz for u & push back things lohz...kaoz...I dun like ppl to mess up my schedule...so I oso dun like to mess up ppl's schedule.

8. I hate it when people smokes in front of me...or maybe I should say I dun like smokers...so I tried to make frends wif ppl who dun smoke onli...but if u do smoke...not in front of me pls...I gets frustrated veri easily...so I might juz take it from u & crush it...who noes...haha.

9. I hate it when people hav something tt they wan to say but say nothing when I ask...or simply hide things from me or wat...dun force me to kill u...I'm realli easily irritated.

10. I hate it when people breaks their promise...if u wan to go back on ur words or u think u won't be able to keep ur promise...then juz dun make any promise...ppl who breaks their promise wif me will make me feel tt they hav betrayed my trust for them.

Hahaha...finish the list liaoz...maybe still got somemore...but as long as ppl dun do anything tt I've listed...they should be on the safe side...I'm a person who is quite easily frustrated & irritated...& I bites...hehehe...alright tt's all for today...

2007-11-26T14:56:00.000+08:00

Arghhh!!! i'm super duper angry!!! *sobz* feel like biting ppl now...sick of it...why i everytime angry oso will cry lehz...taoyan arz......*sobz* i wan to bite ppl now...*sobz*

2007-11-03T12:56:00.000+08:00

exams coming le...lessons will be ending tml...haiz...so fast exams is here coming again...so scary...this time i'll be taking exams for 2 papers financial reporting & taxation...hopefully will hav enuff time to complete my revisions...will be taking leave from 26 nov until 11 dec...the exams will be on 3 & 11 dec...luckily the 2nd paper is a week after the 1st...if not i think i'll be brain dead...hahaha...ltr gg out to meet lihui & yandan in the evening for dinner...coz yandan finally finish her internship liaoz...hehe...but cannot go out until too late...coz tml's lesson is in the morning at 10...so mus wake up early...haiz...abit not feeling well since yesterday...& today morning wake up...got abit of fever & feel as if my body & bones are breaking...hahaha...maybe coz hav juz gone thru a busy week baz...coz closing mahz...but nxt week should be less busy le lahz...hehehe...nothing much happened...other than being said tt i looks like a hamster by miko...omg...do i realli looks like one...last time got ppl say i looks like a kitten...then hamster...blah blah blah...even lihui say i looks like a hamster...both lihui & miko say wan pinch me...oh no...mus stay away from them le...hahaha...monday jiayan coming back from her leave liaoz...but i'll be gg on my leave 2 weeks after...ros say wan train miko to become supertemp...hahaha...yeah....^u^

2007-10-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

found out tt my mood haven been beautiful since mid sept...since grandma passed away...the impact is bigger than i tot...din noe tt i'll take such a long time to recover...& tt my mood will be affected tt badly......hate being treated like a kid...no longer tt spoilt...but maybe i'm juz not matured enuff......its painful to lose someone close......

2007-10-07T08:44:00.000+08:00

first post of the month...& maybe the only one...hehe...did some thinking after reading a frend's blog......found tt many had changed...everything including myself...ppl getting busy to hav time for me...& i oso no time for many ppl...its taxing for me to work & study at the same time...i finally recognise the fact tt i'm not as strong as i used to be...or maybe i've been a strong gal for too long & my mind & brain need some break from it...but seems like its expected from me to be a strong gal...i oso dunno why...this me now is totally different...needs to be loved, pampered & cared for...quite a big change...or maybe not...well...i dun wan to be a strong gal...too stressful...ppl expecting u to be independent...expecting u to understand everything...including things tt are not said or explained to u...haiz...super tiring task...need a break from it......other than tt...i think things are going quite well for me...lessing out the part on studies...hehehe...

2007-09-24T12:12:00.001+08:00

haven update my blog for almost a month oredi...basically hav nothing to write abt & i'm quite busy...everything is still the same for me...maybe not everything......i juz lost someone important last week...my grandma left last mon...the emotions tt i felt in me cannot be put into words...i dunno how to describe tt feeling...yesterday was the last day...many ppl cried over the past week...haiz...i needed a shoulder at one point in time...but failed to find one...instead someone make me so angry tt i dun feel like bothering or talking to him anymore...haiz...its still better to depend on myself...

2007-08-26T20:24:00.000+08:00

i'm finally 21...yeah...haha...met lihui for dinner on my b'dae...then after tt yandan came to look for us after work...received a present from the gals...a cute little pooh bear pendant...haha...though i dun wear it but i still love it alot...coz its from them...thanx alotz dearies......hehe...used to buy myself a present every yr...but havent got myself one this yr...coz abit busy lately...haha...well tt day we hang ard at bugis until ard 1.45am...hehe...reached home & slept at ard 2.30am...dun wan go work the nxt day but in the end no choice...so i got to wake up at 6.30 & go work...i dun think i was fully awake until ard 11 actualli...hahaha...then met my frend after work before gg home...ppl hav new yr resolution but i got b'dae resolution instead...ahha...well as for wat it is...its a secret...haha...slacked at home this weekend...dun feel like gg out...heez...wont be having lessons for 2 weeks...more time for me to slack...no lahz...mus revise abit...then relax abit...hehe...not much of surprise this yr...but well...its okie...at least i'm back to normal...yup...hahaha...^u^

2007-08-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

turning 21 veri soon...haha...juz now huifen came to meet me & pass to me a cute little cake...tt's my first b'dae present this yr...hehe...so glad...tml meeting lihui for dinner after work...hehe...although dun think much will happen this yr...but i dunno why i'm still happy...hehe...abit of problems recently...but there's nothing much i can do oso...so i guess i can onli let it be baz...for the time being juz enjoy myself...hahaha...^u^

2007-08-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

finally got my results liaoz...was nervous for the whole morning & afternoon...coz some frends got their results in the early afternoon...but mine...wait until evening then got...well...did quite badly...maybe not quite...its veri badly...but still managed to pass both...but are those borderline passes lohz...haiz...but at least pass le can liaoz lahz...haha...lihui oso passed both papers...luckily both of us passed...if not we'll not be in the same class anymore...coz one of us will hav to retake the paper tt we failed...but in this case...we both passed...so dun need to retake...& so can continue...hehehe...as for my coming b'dae...i hoping to receive something...but i dun think anyone will rmb wat it is...haha...but nvm...i'll still be happy...coz finally 21st b'dae liaoz...hehehe...yeah....^u^

2007-08-16T11:58:00.000+08:00

wow...so fast oredi 16th of august liaoz...exam results will be out on monday this coming week...& a few days after will be my b'dae...turning 21 in a week's time...haha...well...i think it's the same...hope wont kena sabo on tt day...wicked ah chia + evil huifen...haiz...hopefully they wont come together & gang up on me...haha...seeing my frends turning 21 one by one...hav caused me to look forward to the day i turn 21 oso...hehe...well...maybe it doesnt changes anything...but i'm still happy tt its finally here...hahaha...most of my frends are older than me...& some will laugh at me...say i dun look my age...when i sec 4 ppl will think i still sec 2...when i poly yr 3 ppl tot i still in yr 1...worst...even after i graduate still got ppl think i still poly yr 1...*sobz*...when will ppl look at me as an adult...'zhen shi de'...evil ah chia alwaiz laugh at me de...alwaiz ask if ppl will check my ic when i go for drinks...erppzzz...no one had ever checked my ic since i started to go for drinks lohz...even when i've not reached the legal age to consume alcoholic drinks...hehehe......today thurs...& exactly a week ltr will be my day...hahaha...tt day no lesson...wahahaha...super lucky de...yeah...hopefully nxt week no ot oso...hehe

2007-08-08T12:05:00.001+08:00

seems like so much things to blog abt these few days...haha...but all the things are not good...haiz...talked to lihui yesterday after lessons...then i realise i might be becoming dumber & slower...oooopzzz...hehe...coz during some conversations i had wif another frend...lihui say tt frend of mine had dropped quite a no. of hints...but i tot tt those are onli an exchange of opinions abt the topic we're talking abt...i realli truly tot of it tt way...coz i tot he's onli telling me wat he would do if those things is to happen to him mahz...haiyo...maybe he isn't realli dropping any hints but realli like wat i tot lehz...hehe...but lihui say wat i talked to him abt might hurt him abit if he's realli hinting something...haiyo...why mus make me so confused lehz...'zhen shi de'...i say liaoz mahz...dun try dropping hints to me le lohz...if wan say anything juz say mahz...coz i realli got abit of problem wif understanding wat the hints are abt & tt those are hints...hehe...can onli say tt i'm not tt smart lohz......well...in fact i'm realli veri touched by his words...but wat can i do lohz...haiz...wat he said is wat i least expected to hear from him...its realli veri nice to hav a frend like him...he's realli a veri nice guy & a veri good frend......but i think its better not to think too much into it lahz...if he realli meant wat lihui think he is telling me abt...then he should be able to understand...coz i think he understand me quite well...or at least to a certain level...hehe...

2007-08-07T12:49:00.001+08:00

sianz arz......nothing to do...today not much things to key...oredi finish keying the enrolments given to me this morning...haiz......i think i misunderstood something all along...dun realli noe why i feel this way...maybe coz of wat some of my frends said to me...there will alwaiz be a few frends ard when i online & sign in my ym & msn...they will chat wif me until i go offline...through chatting wif them i realised tt maybe these ppl care more abt me...or maybe at least they should tt they are concerned...but sometimes they ask me questions which i dunno how to ans...they ask me the reason for my decision...i dunno how to ans them coz i oso dunno the ans...some will persuade me to change my mind...& as days goes by...i became more & more unsure...is tt the correct decision? who can tell me? haiz......national day coming...this thurs...haha...public holiday...& the lesson is postponed to sat afternoon...haiz...wasted my beautiful sat...still haven tot of wat to do on thurs......worst come to worst stay home & online lohz...wan to online but dun feel like it...coz will hav to entertain some frends' questions again...why din go out...wan to meet up...blah blah blah...haiz...they are nice ppl to chat wif...but sometimes they realli ask lots of questions...haha...'zuo ren zhen nan'...

2007-08-06T12:04:00.000+08:00

haiz...this week hav to cover receptionist during lunch for the whole week again...sianz...sitting here is realli a veri boring task for me...i rather do some work at my side tt...haiz...but no choice lohz...din realli do anything over the weekends...sat stay home for the whole day...do homework in the morning...then took a nap in the afternoon...sun giv my cousin tuition...after tt went to the hospital to visit my grandma...haiz...my grandma looks so thin & weak & bony...felt a surge of emotions in me when i was looking at her...so sad...feel like crying...din notice tt she had realli grown alot older...still rmb staying over at her place wif my sis & cousins during the holidays when i was younger...thinking of it makes me wan to cry even more...*sobz*...but i managed not to cry...i dun wan to cry......over the weekends i was looking for someone...tt person seems to hav disappeared...msg oso din reply...& when finally found oredi when i called last nite...the reason is coz din on hp & when see my msg on sunday oredi too late liaoz...arghhh!!! super angry...wat lame excuse is tt...make me lose sleep & worried over nothing for 2 days...tot something happened or wat...arghhh!!! 'qi si wo le'...arghhh!!! i dun care le lahz!!! *hmpf*

2007-08-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

i'm sick liaoz...so sianz...i think this is the 2nd time i'm sick for the yr...abit of running nose & a slight fever...its making me kinda blur today...haiz......dunno whether coz of this my mood abit affected or wat...i've tried...maybe din try my veri veri best...but at least i've tried....i'm losing something called patience...which is veri limited in me...haha...aiya dun care lahz...wont let anything affect my mood...dun wan to think of these things...i'll be like how i used to be...worrying abt nothing & always so happy...haha...tt's wat i wan now......hehe...well...since i'm abit sick...so it makes me abit 'dangerous'...haha...

2007-07-31T13:06:00.000+08:00

tired...it seems to stay the same...seems to be there but dun seem to see anything...i dun wan to think...but my mind will wander to it unconsciously...hopes to be as understanding as i can...dun wan to cause ppl to worry...ppl are all so busy & tired...so i dun wan to bother ppl wif my things......controlling...dun wan to be a crybaby...i refuse to be so spoilt...*hmpf*...i'm a grown-up now......even if i dun look like one...i'll be one...*hmpf*...

2007-07-30T12:21:00.000+08:00

haiz...this week i'll be covering the receptionist during lunchtime for the whole of the week...tt means i everyday can blog...but oso dun hav much things to blog abt lahz...haha...too bad cannot msn...haiz...seems like alot of things happened over the weekend...so tired...hav been rejecting over the weekend...until now 4 liaoz...today maybe got ard 2 like tt...well...all this is happening becoz of a promise i made...i'm gg to keep tt promise...i'm determined to do so...nevertheless i still feel so bad...doing tt to ppl...1 yr...not a veri long time...but its oso not a short period of time...but nvm lahz...i'm not realli tt old yet...1 yr ltr...22 yrs old...i dun think tt i'll be considered as veri old rite...haha...hopefully by then we'll hav an ans...

2007-07-27T12:27:00.000+08:00

got time to blog again...haha...so boring to sit here & do nothing...haiz...as usual its raining outside...hav been raining everyday since mon...wan go walk walk during lunchtime oso cannot...sianz...anyway...i oso dun hav the time to go walk walk during lunchtime lahz...alot of enrolments to key since mon...wed still ot until 7...coz tues & thurs cannot ot...haiz...so many things to key...neverending de lehz...haha...went to watch harry potter last week...not as nice as the previous harry potter movies...abit disappointing...haiz...still got 2 movies wan go watch but no time lehz...my wife is a gangster 3 & invisible target...my wife is a gangster 3 oredi not in the cinema liaoz...*sobz*...so sad...wonder if i'll be able to find time & ppl to go watch the other one anot...so cold today...zhen shi de...tao yan...*hmpf*...

2007-07-23T12:13:00.000+08:00

haven updated for more than a week liaoz...ltr kena nag again...haha...well...now in office...abit free...coz now is lunchtime & i'm supposed to cover the receptionist for an hr...sitting here is quite good oso...coz can use internet...but cannot chat...sianz...haha...but can update blog lohz...hehe...will hav to cover the receptionist on mon & fri from 12 to 1...so cold here...today i realli quite blur...forgot to bring my hp...*sobz*...no wonder got ppl say i 'sa sa de'...*hmpf*...where got...maybe onli once in a while onli mahz...quite boring to sit here...haiz...hav been abit blur since morning...cannot concentrate on work...dunno why oso...my mind will juz drift off to somewhere...so huai dan...run away from home...hahaha...gonna decide on something at the end of the week...i'm so tired......juz decide on either one baz...although might not be veri fair...but i'm realli too tired to think...haiz...might not be fair for the one i decided on oso...coz who noes maybe one day i not so tired le...started to think again then make another choice/decision....haiz...maybe hav to let this be known beforehand...maybe......see how baz...haha...

2007-07-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

haiz...hav been abit busy since the beginning of july...mon to fri need to work...tues & thurs need to attend lessons...sun need to giv my cousin tuition...leaving onli fri evening & sat open...i wonder if i'll hav time to revise the lessons tt the lecturers went thru anot...haha...but i oso not enuff time for me to meet up wif my frends...& dun seem to hav enuff time to let my body rest oso...well luckily i dun hav alot of frends...haha...so onli need to divide those time among the few close frends i hav......but seems like my time will still be a little packed...i believe my frends will understand if i din manage to meet them...i think once i'm used to the schedule i will be able to find time here & there...hehehe...then got time to update whenever possible...so tt other 'me' watching this blog...dun complain horz...& my words stick together themselves de lohz...they like each other so much lohz...i'll try to move them apart lahz...hahaha...i'll try...hehe...^u^

2007-07-03T21:40:00.000+08:00

this is my first post for the month of july...hehe...today is my 2nd day of work...my job is to do data entry...the company is in the insurance industry...haha...well...i think tt job is quite suitable for me...or should i say i'm quite suitable for tt job...hehe...coz although i'll say tt i'm bored...but i will oso find it quite fun...maybe coz i dun like to interact wif ppl baz...ahha...i veri anti-social rite...hehe...but sometimes not realli the case lehz...i can talk alot oso...hmmm...then maybe should say tt i am capable of keeping myself entertained while doing boring routine stuff baz...i hav alwaiz preferred admin duties & data entry as compared to accounts job...some frends find me strange in this case...coz they find those routine work veri boring...haha...well...sch starting on this thurs...taxation lessons...the ones i hated when i was in poly...then nxt tues is financial reporting...hope i'll hav time for homework if there's going to be any...haha...looking forward to lessons...but hope i wont be too tired to concentrate in class...^u^

2007-06-29T11:19:00.000+08:00

found a job le...temp admin assistant...but the contract 6 months...so abit not like temp lehz...haha...but ok lahz...went for the interview on wednesday...its an insurance company located ard bugis area...so quite easy for me to go sch...working hrs from 8.30am to 5.30pm...might hav OT...but wont hav them on tues & thurs...coz my agent got tell the manager tt i got classes on those days...the ppl there seems to be quite nice lohz...at least not as quiet as the previous company which i went for interview...haha...gonna be busy from july onwards...working & studying...but somehow i think i'll prefer a life tt's more busy for the time being...maybe coz staying at home for the previous semester makes me bored even though i took 5 papers at tt time...haha...yesterday i found out tt i can be the kind of person which i personally loathe...bad & cruel...i used to see tt kind of ppl as being veri mean & nasty...i still think so now...but i've become one of them...& i despise myself as much as i despise tt kind of ppl...but words said cannot be taken back...even if can...i oso wont...coz i'm the kind of ppl who will do wat i've said...no turning back...i noe i'm quite bad...but i did it out of fear...fear of wat might happen if i din do tt...clear & straight...tt was how it was done...without giving any reasons for the decision made...which makes me think tt its veri cruel...& i hate myself...but wats done is done...i'll not regret the decision i've made...i can onli say sry......

2007-06-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

still looking for a job now...but not much luck this time...maybe coz this time i looking for admin job baz...maybe accounts job easier to find...nvm lahz...slowly find lohz...nothing much to do as usual...recently abit "xin tong tong" de feel...haiz...today someone asked me wat i need...coz i say i not in a veri good mood...i oso dunno wat i need...maybe i noe but i oso noe tt i wont get wat i wan...so i juz take it as i dunno baz...dun think anyone will be able to giv me wat i wan...so sad...haiz......ah chia...wat u think...how long do i still need to continue to play until i found tt someone who is able to giv me wat i wan......

2007-06-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

exam finish for a week liaoz...haven been slacking at home...nothing to do so update abit...if not ltr kena spotcheck by someone then she say i din update...hahaha...but actualli oso nothing to update lehz...coz nothing much happen oso...other than those usual problems...haiz......can onli make tt person giv up lohz...if not wat can i do...ah chia...help~~~~...suan le...forget it...haha...being unhappy is too unlike me...hehe...V*v*V

2007-06-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

exams finally over...but i think i did badly for the papers...coz wat the lecturer told us to study din realli came out...maybe less than half came out...& wat the lecturer told us dun need to study came out...& most of the questions are on those topics...so can guess how badly i'll fare for the papers...well...wat can i do...its over & i hav tried my best...the first time i study so hard for my exams...realli...its the first time...for the past exams in my whole life...i'm not nervous & worried...& i dun realli study...the most 1 or 2 days b4 then study...even for PSLE, 'O' Levels & my poly finals oso...haha...this time i started studying for tt 2 papers 2 weeks b4...i think the way i studied scared my mum...i study an average of 10 hrs every day from mon to fri for the first week...2nd week got cut down to ard an average of 5 hrs every day...i study until my mum ask me to take a break from studying...hahaha...funni...exams results will onli be out on 20th august...which is 3 days b4 my b'dae...so suay...but maybe sad until my b'dae then ok le baz...haha...21st b'dae lehz...hehe...how can i be so sad on such a day...hahaha...but oso dunno how i will spend tt day...maybe its me & lihui again...hav been like tt since poly 1st yr...for hers & my b'dae...so quite used to it le...although this yr its abit more meaningful...coz its the day tt i finally turn 21...haha...but suan le......going to find a job soon...coz coming july...i'll onli be taking 2 papers...so its time to earn money & support myself...ltr gg to register for the papers le...hehe...

2007-05-25T21:21:00.000+08:00

have been studying for the past few days...so sianz...everyday oso study, study & study...the first time i study so hard...din even study so hard for my poly's final exam...haha...feel like going out to play abit...maybe relax & have a few drinks...haiz...so sianz...everyday not law then is information systems...going crazy soon...haiz...i wan to go out arz............

2007-05-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

exams coming le...4th & 5th of june...from nxt week onwards no more playing & gg out for me le...will hav to study, study & study...haiz...this week can be considered the last week for me to play...but so suay...i've been sick since monday...then today abit better...then i now left wif weekends onli...haiz...but oso dunno wat i wan to do this weekend...meet frends or juz stay at home...yesterday meet lihui, heling & yandan...went for dinner & coffee...today i think stay at home & rot lohz...sianz...wan to go out...but dunno got who free to go out wif me...dun wan to find those "other frends"...dun feel like meeting those "other frends" today...as for tml...haven decide yet...one of my "other frends" got ask if tml wan to meet anot...then i say cannot confirm...coz i realli dunno...sianz...haiz...sometimes life juz get so boring...tot of studying now...but i oredi planned to study nxt week le...then nxt week onwards cannot play...so i tot its better to relax now...if not sure veri veri stressed...yesterday passed the notes i did to lihui...finished my final copy of the notes on wed...hopefully the notes will be useful...haha...

2007-05-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

i'm tired...juz so so tired...why mus things turn out to be like tt...i realli dun understand...izzit realli like wat i tot...haiz...i think some part of me juz hope tt it isn't...juz dun wish to let go...i dun wan to be disappointed...i hav been disappointed once b4...& now again...i noe i hav to let go...coz this me is getting softer & softer day by day...so its now or never...maybe not never...but i noe i'll feel worst...i mus be hard-hearted now...one wrong step u take & i'll giv up totally...hopefully i can realli do tt...coz its easier said than done...so plz let me be able to let go now......

2007-04-30T14:01:00.000+08:00

my mood is not veri pretty since yesterday...tt's wat i can say...i feel tt i'm realli a veri bad person...one who is so horrible tt i myself oso hates...i dun wan to hurt anyone...i dun wan to disappoint anyone...i dun wan anyone to be sad or unhappy...i juz wan everyone to be happy...but all those things tt i dun wan to happen had happened...& those tt i wanted to happen...is veri veri far off...i went to do the Colorgenics Test again...the results:

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

ya...& i certainly hope i'm crying alone...coz i rather tt i cry alone...& i wan everyone else to be happy...& stay happy......tt's wat i realli hoped for......

2007-04-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday super tired...coz got lessons from 10 to 1 then 2 to 5...on top of tt...i slept at ard 3+ am the day b4...so i was veri sleepy...then after lessons went to meet huifen...accompany her go changi village for dinner & some drinks...din realli drink a lot...down a gin tonic & 2 mugs of beer...reached home ard 12+...then came online...nothing much to do then tried the cologenic test again...the results is as follows:

The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out.You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

Its realli veri accurate...& i'm realli veri confused now...wat to do...& who to listen to...i think i'm still not in the rite mind to think carefully now...

2007-04-18T12:16:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to do...so i went to do the colorgenics test...well...the results of the test is as follow:

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

I can onli say tt the test is actualli quite accurate...those who noe me quite well will noe...if u happen to be one of those who is shocked to see the above results...i can onli say tt u dun realli noe me...haha...juz joking...its a norm for ppl not to understand me...but tot tt they do...am i sad becoz of tt...nah...i'm oredi used to it...is wat i can say...haha...

2007-04-15T14:12:00.000+08:00

quite some time din update blog liaoz...haha...but haven 1 month lahz...so not tt bad rite...hehe...if i dun update i gg to kena complaints from lihui liaoz...haha...i din even notice tt i haven been updating my blog...maybe coz nothing to write abt baz...everything seems to be the same...onli difference maybe is tt i cannot play maple due to some com problem...then instead of chatting wif my frend in maple...we chat in msn lohz...haha...but dun realli chat veri frequently lahz...hmm...yesterday went out wif lihui & yandan...went suntec watch movie...after tt lihui went off first...then me & yandan went to buy heling's b'dae present...we bought her a dress from mphosis...realli hope tt she will like it...coz dun realli noe wat to get her...then we went kenny rogers for dinner...nothing much happened lately...well...i'll try to update as frequently as possible...haha

my dinner (yummy!!!)

yandan's dinnertaking pic of our dinner

taking a pic of herself

say cheese.....

2007-03-23T22:57:00.000+08:00

tml...24th March...1 yr le...it can be considered a long time...yet it passes so quickly...tml is a day...which i like & dread...i like it...coz its my frend's b'dae...my best frend...lihui...its a day i dread...coz...for some other reason...i started to dread the approach of tml since last week...i tot i had forgotten abt it...but it juz pop up in my mind so suddenly...it is a day which onli i will rmb...i think the other person dun even rmb me...haha...i dunno why i rmb...i dun wan to...i started to hate everyone......dunno whether its becoz tml's coming...the hateful day...poor lihui...it juz happens tt it falls on ur b'dae...i dun wan to hate tml......but......so sorry...

2007-03-19T11:59:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out with lihui after lesson...ya...damn sianz...coz got lesson from 10 to 1 yesterday...but after tt we went for movie & shopping...so better...hahaha...the day b4 i slept at ard 2+...& its a.m...ehh...should say tt i slept on sunday at 2+ a.m...then lesson woke up at ard 5.05 a.m...coz my parents gg malaysia...then i somehow woke up when my mum woke up...haha...then i juz lay there until 6 a.m...so effectively i onli slept for 3+ hrs...i nearly dozed off during the lesson...coz the lesson is information system...so its like worst lohz...then the lecturer keeping talking & talking & talking non-stop...i was more awake onli after the breaktime...haha...although i was nearly dozzing off....but i still got listen to wat the lecturer saying...haha...coz if not i'll be wasting my time go class so early...haha...quite happy wif the shopping yesterday...coz i bought my fav shoe...haha...i juz love canvas shoes...i bought a pair of converse de shoes...hahaha...its quite cheap...coz got discount...i bought it at $49.90...haha...so i damn happy...was prepared to get naggings from my mum when i get home...but she haven come back...hehe...then when she came home...i told her abt the shoes...unexpectedly...she din nag at me...hahahaha...so lucky...^u^

2007-03-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

wasn't in a veri pretty mood lately...i oso dunno why...i think its gonna remain the same for quite some time...it would probably be like tt for the nxt few days at least...wats happening to me? am i realli as strong as i look??? haha...tt i dunno...its a rather difficult question to ans...well..even if i'm not...i will try to think tt i am...or try to be tt way...haha...hav been thinking thru some things these few days...& i'm getting frustrated...coz i start to realise tt...or maybe i knew of it in the past but chose to ignore it...tt ppl seems to expect me to be strong...independent...smart (in a way or another)...decisive...organised...& watever...is tt realli how i am??? do i meet those expectations of those ppl??? haha...again...i realli dunno...i hav been trying my best to achieve those expectations...but it seems tt whenever i finally to see the tip of it...those ppl begin to expect even more from me...they expect me to be free of troubles...maybe emotionless...& tt i got nothing better to do...haha...well...under normal circumstances...to those ppl...i'm of non-existence...onli when i'm needed by them...then i will somehow exist...haha...is tt magic...david copperfield? i'll try my best to be wat ppl expect me to be...& behave how they expect me to behave...which is...PERFECT!!! ain't i right??? who in this world can be strong...independent...smart...decisive...organised...hav the correct solution for everything...no troubles of their own...no emotion...as in sad, grief, unhappy, tired......haha...i'm not a saint...i'm juz as ordinary & normal as any other human being......plz ppl...plz dun giv me all those fake care & concern...those tt u ppl will show me when u all need me......am i realli tt pathetic...tt u ppl hav to treat me like tt??? haha...well...fine...wat can i do...i can onli try my best to be tt perfect being tt u ppl wan me to be...one wif no emotions...one tt will onli exist when needed...& will juz vanish into thin air after being fully utilised...hahaha......

2007-03-04T10:01:00.000+08:00

realli haven been updating...coz was realli quite busy wif the everyday life & routines...haha...one of my frend say my sch in town veri good...coz after lessons can go dating...haha...i told him i dun even hav time for tt...helped janejane's boss bought an adidas sweater on wed...coz he say he veri busy...busy until he wan go find janejane buy adidas de things oso no time...then juz nice the nxt day my lesson in the evening...& i wanted to buy a bag...haha...well...so i went to shop for a bag wif huifen...& shun bian help him see & buy if i find the sweater he wan...end up i din see any bags i like...but got help him find the sweater he had been eyeing...erpzz...janejane say she got as him wat sweater he wan buy but he din tell her...then janejane say she can help him buy de...but he told me instead...erpzz...i think he forgot to tell her baz...the both of them de memory realli veri super de...hahaha...well...he say he will get his sweater from me latest by nxt week...but i guess i'll hav to remind him nxt week or the week after nxt...haha...he say he might drive pass my house one of this days & get it from me...but i forgot to tell him i not alwaiz at home de...hahaha...quite obviously...tues to thurs evening i sure not at home...fri & weekends' evening sometimes will be at home...but mostly not...hahaha...then left wif mon which i confirm will be at home de...haha...coz nxt day got lesson mahz...hehe...hopefully he noe how to choose the days...^u^

2007-02-17T10:45:00.000+08:00

well well...today is the eve of chinese new year...but i'm still as sick as b4...haha...i've been sick for 2+ weeks...sick all the way...*sobz*...so sianz...the doc say its a cold...but its more like a cough to me...since young...once i start to hav a cough...it will last for quite a long period of time...1 week if i'm lucky...& if like now...when i'm down on my luck...it will take 3 to 4 weeks...sad ritez...*sobz*...yandan sick at the same time as me...but now she recover & fall sick again liaoz...but i still sick...so sad...new year liaoz...alot of things cannot eat...but who cares...haha...i'll still eat all the things i like...haha...no one can stop me...muahahaha...juz hope tt can recover faster...so sick of eating those medicine...*sobz*...tml is the first day of new year...but i dun realli hav any new year mood...maybe coz i still sick baz...this new year i dun wan go out...i will most probably stay at home...haha...one of my mood swings again...ahha...nvm...who cares...^u^

2007-02-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

well...hav been quite busy lately...ever since my last job ended...i've been busy wif things until now...actualli i oso dunno wat i'm busy wif...haha...funni rite...now i too busy for everything...i onli hav juz enuff time for lessons & homeworks...although i onli hav lessons on tues, wed & thurs...& hav my mon, fri & weekends free...but time dun seem to be enuff for me...usually giv my fri & weekends to my frends...so ppl start placing ur reservations now...haha...but of course not all 3 days...i dun hav so many frends lohz...haha...i oso wont wan to go out for 3 days straight...i need to rest...so usually will stay home for one of the days...so that i can hav 2 days to stay at home & do my homework...haha...well...i skipped my afternoon lesson on thurs to go shopping wif yandan...i noe skip lesson not veri good...but no choice...new year coming...& i haven realli bought anything...i will not skip lessons too often...even if i'm going to skip lessons...it will onli be lessons for the part 1 papers...for part 2 papers...i'll try not to skip...especially the law lessons...haha...for information systems lessons...well...maybe once in a while baz...coz u noe...the lessons are quite dry...plus i'm not the IT-kind of ppl...i'm almost a complete idiot when it comes to IT...haha...enuff for now...will try to update as often as possible...when i find the time...haha...

2007-01-31T15:57:00.000+08:00

time flies...today 31st liaoz...last day of jan...& my last day of work...hahaha...to be honest...i dun feel sad or happy...haha...maybe abit happy lahz...coz i find tt its realli veri tiring to work & study at the same time...its both mentally & physically straining...luckily today last day...coz fri i got lesson in the afternoon...if still got work then mus take leave liaoz...haha...well now slacking abit...finished all the things given to me liaoz...then boss haven come back...he still got a few budgets tt he haven giv me to key...well...good luck to justina then...coz most probably she will be the one who will be keying the budgets...haha...she quite cham...coz she oredi alot of things to do liaoz...then her 'partner' alwaiz do wrong things...alwaiz ask her things...haiz...so kelian...shah oso veri cham...every month or should i say every week oso kana pestered by justina's 'partner'...haha...me & justina think tt shah's temper realli veri veri good...for me...i sure ask her to get lost de...coz shah oredi so many things to do liaoz...still need to entertain her...& she alwaiz wan her things to be done first...today month end closing so she keep looking for shah...while typing my blog now...she find shah again...hahaha...poor shah...haha...after today i dun need to see & entertain her liaoz...hahaha...good luck to justina, shah & kahhooi...haha...

2007-01-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

back to update abit...coz last week no time to update...last week quite busy...especially fri...so many things to do...until the last min b4 going off still doing...haha...but better than nothing to do...hehe...well...my schedule is still as packed...last fri evening meet lihui & yandan...then sat oso got appointment...but sun i stay at home...hehe...i like to keep my sunday free so...i onli go out on fri & sat...normal weekdays oso can lahz...but ehh...i think onli mon...coz u noe...need to study...haha...haven been playing maple...onli on sun then got time to go online...play ard for ard 1+ hr then go sleep le...coz today got work...chat wif my frend for awhile...he ask why i din email him...haha...i say coz too busy...someone emailed me on fri...haha...haven been sending him email oso...almost forgot abt him le...haha...as usual...he asking me out...but my time fully booked...this weekend oso...going out wif huifen...but she haven confirm she wan fri or sat...haha...so i told him tt i last & this weekend oso cannot...heez...well...he alwaiz leave his hp no...but i nv tot of calling or smsing him...coz i think not so frend yet...haha...i replied to his email on fri...see if he still reply anot...if got...hmmm...oso dunno lehz...haha...see how my mood baz...hahaha...i think someone is angry...maybe 'suan' too much le...but i tot wont be so petty de mahz...haiz...forget it...hahaha

2007-01-19T10:15:00.000+08:00

haven been updating blog...dun realli hav time for things recently...maybe until i not working then will hav more time baz...no time to maple oso...can onli do so on mon, fri & weekends...but all these days is maybe onli...coz sometimes went out on fri & weekends...told my maple frend abt it...then he say nvm can email him...=.=...haha...so i did email him...coz he was asking me something when i got dc...so i ask him in the email instead...but actualli should ask in maple instead...coz he alwaiz check his emails after mapling...=.=...haha...then he say i told him i cut hair le...but he din see b4...i told him i got upload 2 more recent photo in friendster...then he ask me for my friendster add...in his email he say his work veri siong...can onli relax when mapling & talking to special ppl like me & a few other guys in his guild...i told lihui abt it...then lihui say like we 2 like become better recently...in the sense tt we like became closer frends...=.=...i told her we email coz i dun realli hav time to maple recently...then she say but from the point of view of an outsider...it looks like wat she said...ehh...she say especially when he classify me as special ppl...& the others tt he said are special ppl are guys...& seems like i'm the onli gal...=.=...but i dun think i'm the onli gal baz...but lihui say tt its like abit odd...i might be giving him the wrong ideas...but the opinions tt he had on things & the advices tt he gave me are quite similar to lihui's...in the sense tt he understands me quite well...maybe not as well as lihui understands me...but to certain extent there is some understanding...ehhh...maybe i should email or talk to him less often baz......haiz......

2007-01-12T15:01:00.000+08:00

well...issuing cheques now...but write until veri sianz...so juz wanna slack abit...haha...had a dream the other day...i consider it as a bad one...the person's face kept coming into my mind for this few days...so it should be a nightmare to me...haha...nonetheless its a dream tt reminded me abt something......this few days everyday got lessons...so tired...for all the part 1 papers i think onli the 3rd one is abit different from wat i've learnt in poly...so i find it more interesting than the previous two...well...yesterday wan go eat mos burger in btw lessons de...juz like wat i did on tues...but yesterday it was full...so i went to burger king instead...haha...i still rmb i said before tt i cannot survive alone...i dun like to eat alone & shop alone...& be alone...but i guess i'm growing up & learning to be strong now...coz i find myself being able to go for meals alone in btw lessons...while i wait for lihui & the nxt lesson...i can onli say tt its a good thing...tt means i'm more independent le...although i may oredi look strong & independent in the past...but i guess i'm actualli not as strong & independent as wat others tot......its juz tt i dun wan to say...coz if i say it out...it would be like exposing my weaknesses...& i will feel veri insecure......so instead of being taken care or being cared for...i usually play the role of taking care & caring for my frends...so i've got alot of frends who are depends on me...various reasons given...some say coz they trust me...& feel tt i can realli be trusted...but does anyone noe tt i oso need to be taken care of??? & to be cared for??? haiz...not trying to complain abt anything...haha...i think maybe i'm juz too tired becoz of my recent busy schedule...maybe i'm still not used to the schedule yet......will be used to it soon...so tt my frends can continue to rely on me......& as for yandan...i noe alot of things happened...& u dunno wat to do...sry......i'm realli veri sry...pls giv me some time to sort out my own thoughts first...i will try my best to think of wat i can do to help u...or wat advices i can giv u...juz giv me a few moments...jia you to both u & me!!! jia you!!!

2007-01-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

today quite free...nothing much to do...finish the things they gave me...com down yesterday...so cannot online...haiz...so sianz...went popular wif justina after lunch...help sis buy a sudoku...help myself buy one oso...& help mum buy the file to put cds...went to see yd's blog...i granted her 4th wish...most of her wishes seems to have came true...so good...but mine...haiz...none of them came true...am i wishing for the impossible??? so sad...haiz...nvm...forget it...haha...my schedule seems to be quite packed...mon need to work...tues need to go for lessons...wed need to work & go for lessons...thurs need to go for lessons...fri need to work...i'm left wif onli the weekends...sat sometimes go out sometimes stay at home...& sun stay at home & rest to prepare myself for the nxt busy week...& the routine goes on & on...until feb baz...coz contract ends at end of jan...unless boss wan extend again...but my feb de timetable not veri stable...coz sometimes wed & fri afternoon oso got lessons...haiz...tired......

2007-01-05T12:38:00.000+08:00

went back to work on wed...& tt's the start of my part time job...haha...but problem is i dun even noe my pay...erpzz...haha...nvm lahz...boss wont cheat me de...if they cheat me...i burn down the whole place...hahaha...sch started yesterday...quite nervous & excited...haha...met wif yandan at ard 1+ in orchard & we went to shop abit...coz she no lesson yesterday...hehe...when we were walking from wisma to taka...a guy keep staring at me...i think he is an indian baz...i tot i see wrongly...then after tt to confirm whether he is looking at me...i turn back to check...& he oso turn back to look...erppzzzz...then me & yandan fast fast walk away...haha...dunno who tt person...i thinking whether he is one of my bosses back in olam...but no lehz...i dun rmb i got a boss tt look like tt guy...ehh...conclusion is...i dunno tt guy...hahaha...nvm abt tt...who cares...haha...then me & yandan continue shopping...then i went to meet lihui at somerset at ard 6.30 to go sch...the lesson starts at 6.45...we were juz on time...heng arz...haha...the class is oredi filled wif ppl...so me & lihui juz find seats at the back of the class...i see my "classmates"...almost 90% is 25 yrs old & above...generally...i think onli less than 10% is of my age...so sad...& more than half the class is working full-time...wah...but luckily the others is abt the same as me...hahaha...well...finish class at 9.45...then went for my dinner at mac...then reached home at ard 12...ya...abit late...but no choice...haha...today morning almost cannot wake up...too tired...coz yesterday my bag super heavy...the txtbk & notes & exam kit weighs tonnes lohz...damn heavy sia....sianz....nxt tues i sure die...coz tt day i starting my lesson for my 2 other paper...when i go home i think i will hav to drag my bag...haha...nxt tues hav to go lesson alone in the afternoon...coz lihui not taking part 1...i took...but onli for revision & a stronger foundation...i oso dun realli wan to take de...but my cousin say take better...so no choice lohz...take lohz...i think i sure die de..coz each lesson is 3hrs long...*sobx*...meaning tt every tues & thurs i got 6hrs of lessons to attend...*sobx*...haiz...today dun realli hav mood to work...coz veri tired & sleepy...i think after this contract ends i going to discuss wif my mum...dun think i can work part-time...coz i need to attend lessons for 5 papers...every week got 15hrs of lessons...& tt's from tues to thurs...kill me baz...*sobx*...haiz...see how baz...if need to work then work lohz...but i'm quite sure tt i can talk my way out...& dun need work for this half yr...until i finish lessons for this 5 papers...hahaha...mus jia you!!!

*lihui*

lihui